


Reflections of My Warped Mind

by glitterfics



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dark, Community: rs_games, M/M, Marauders' Era, Mirror Universe, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-04
Updated: 2011-12-04
Packaged: 2017-10-26 20:49:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/287704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glitterfics/pseuds/glitterfics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus considers what got him to where he is and how the right road just wasn't the right road for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reflections of My Warped Mind

**Author's Note:**

> This is a piece I wrote for [rs_games](http://rs-games.livejournal.com/) \- Team Remus all the way.  
> Prompt: 23 - "I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended-up where I intended to be." - Douglas Adams  
> It is an entirely new writing style for me but the bunny latched on and wouldn't let go. I hope you like it.
> 
> Huge thanks to [lazydazy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/lazydazy) for her cheerleading, polishing and for putting up with all my insecurities.  
> Title from Number of The Beast by Iron Maiden - old school, baby ;)
> 
> Disclaimer: Queen Jo owns them all. I own a kitty, that's pretty much it.

The bizarre thing was that he could remember a time when he cared about right and wrong. Even with the evil that lived within him he’d thought that he could lead a decent life; put his head down, always be good and lock himself away for one night a month. But that had been before. Before his parents were killed, before Dumbledore took him in at Hogwarts...before James Potter and Sirius Black.

Staring at his reflection in a grimy mirror, Remus chuckled to himself. Dumbledore had known exactly what he was doing when he placed them in a dorm together. Dumbledore always knew what he was doing. That’s why he was the most powerful and feared wizard of all time.

He could still remember the look on the other boys’ faces when they’d realised exactly what Remus was. Up until that point they’d dismissed him as a swotty goody two shoes who was too scared to join in with their fun and games and they were right. Remus had been terrified of being discovered - look what had happened to his parents for just harbouring a dark creature - so he’d thrown himself into his studies and shied away from anything that would cause people to notice him.

But James and Sirius had noticed him; they’d discovered his deepest darkest secret and their eyes had shone with undisguised glee.

Peter’s hadn’t, of course, Peter had looked terrified at the idea that a werewolf shared his dorm, slept across the room from him, sat within biting distance during classes. Remus turned on the tap and started to wash his hands. Poor Peter, he never did have the stomach for it but he’d given it a good try. He’d wanted to fit in, wanted to stand next to James and enjoy some of that reflected glory. He didn’t stand a chance once Lily had come into the picture though. That was probably part of why he had turned traitor and tried to set them all up, but only part of it - mainly, he just didn’t have the stomach for it.

Remus thought back to the look on Peter’s face that first morning. The morning when they’d finally crossed the line from childish pranks and the baiting of Slytherins. The morning when Remus had awoken in the shack with bone deep aches and a strange excitement zinging in his veins at the realisation that not all the blood on his body belonged to him. He never did know the name of the poor sod that the boys had enticed into the forest that night; just some random guy passing through Hogsmeade, looking for an adventure. Sirius had told him that Peter’d puked all night, difficult to do and still keep his animagus form, but he pushed it down eventually and helped bury the body while Remus was busy being fussed over by Pomfrey in the hospital wing.

By that time Remus had been far more concerned with his own exhilaration and complete lack of guilt. He’d expected to struggle with what he’d done but, as his bandages were applied and healing potions poured down his throat, the only thing he struggled with was holding back his delighted laughter. It was at that point that he’d realised the monster and the boy weren’t two separate entities, they were one. Both eager for the thrill of the chase and the final satisfaction of cracking bones and flesh tearing beneath his teeth. He’d closed his eyes, felt the phantom sensation of hot blood splashing against his face and watched his final hope of a decent life float away with a tiny smile dancing around his lips.

They hadn’t done it every month of course, they spread it out. Just enough to satisfy the bloodlust without drawing suspicion upon the school. Looking back, Remus realised that even that had been too often but there was a reason Aberforth lived so close to Hogwarts and there was a reason that he deliberately kept his pub so rundown. The only people that drank there were the ones with nowhere else to go; the ones that no one would miss. And if anybody did miss them, well in that case Aberforth had never seen them before in his life; they’d certainly never drank in his pub.

That had been good enough for a while. They’d pick and lure the person to the forest and then watch as the wolf stalked and pounced and ripped; but then they’d needed to stop watching, they’d needed to feel it for themselves. So Remus had got to watch instead, leaning against a tree, arms folded across his chest; twitching to join in but holding back because this was for them.

No spells, that was far too easy, they’d wanted to taste it. To grapple and squeeze and maul. And when it was over, and Peter was puking again, Remus had looked into Sirius’ eyes and seen the insanity and the violence and the passion and known that he understood finally. Known that Sirius could feel the euphoria that Remus always felt; his skin tingling and power lacing his blood.

And then the rest of the world had fallen away.

Everything except Sirius suddenly right in front of him, hands sunk into Remus’ hair as he’d pulled his face down into a vicious kiss. Teeth and tongue and blood. Both of them vibrating from the adrenaline rush of the previous hours mixing with the desire which had been simmering between them for far too long; just waiting for them to reach this point, this realisation that they were the same. They were wicked and savage and deadly. They were ravenous and burning and frenzied. Hands grasping, bruising, scraping trying to climb inside the skin of the other. Chests heaving, hips bucking, skin slippery with sweat and suddenly the world turned sanguine and all they could hear was the pounding of their hearts as they collapsed into each other.

James had been casually resting against another tree when the world rushed back in, a cigarette dangling from the corner of his mouth, his eyes dark from watching the two entwined and exhausted boys on the moss covered ground.

"Get a room." He’d drawled, smoke curling in front of his face distractingly before dissipating into the air.

Sirius had snorted and thrown a handful of leaves at him while Remus rolled his eyes, absentmindedly rubbing at the smeared red transfer on his body before casting about for his discarded clothing.

He rubbed at that same spot now as if it had been branded on him, a mark of ownership...no, not ownership; a mark of partnership.

 _For better, for worse, ‘til death do them part._

He smirked, raising his eyes from the pink tinged water in the sink back to the mirror. His eyes were fever bright and he knew without even being in the same room that Sirius’ were too. They were the same, he and Sirius, perfectly in synch, bloodthirsty and hungry. And after school they’d only become better at it. They’d learned exactly where to touch to create the greatest pain for others, and pleasure for themselves.

Sex and death forever entangled in their hearts and souls.

They’d refined their art over the years, because that’s what it was to them - art. They learned the elegance of carving, the rhapsody of screams, the beauty of splatters against the ground. And it improved even further when Lily joined their merry band. She’d brought with her a certain deviousness that the rest of them lacked; Remus sometimes mused that if Lily had been part of them from the start then Aberforth would never have had to cover for them.

She also brought with her some delightful new spells, courtesy of her lovesick little Slytherin pet. Sectumsempra - what a delicious little spell that was, even James loved it despite grumbling whenever Lily asked him to use it. It’s not as though he had anything to worry about, Lily had Snape on a leash and James in her arms.

Lily and James, they were made for each other. As well matched in cruelty and darkness as they were fire and devotion. As Head boy and Head girl they’d been terrifying, as husband and wife they were even worse; and Remus and Sirius adored them both. They were the perfect complement to their own love affair. Together they were a family. His pack.

He ran his fingers back through his hair and, with one last glance in the mirror, he left the dingy bathroom and walked back out into the chaos. The screaming had stopped, which was good because it was starting to get annoying, but it was only because Lily had cast a silencing spell; she had no patience for begging, especially these days. Remus sent her a fond glance; she always looked beautiful when she was killing - her green eyes seemed to glow and her hair flowed like auburn flames giving her the appearance of some kind of avenging angel - but now she had that added glow all expectant mothers seemed to have. No wonder James was staring at her like the cat that had got the cream.

Of course Remus had his own dark angel and he smiled softly as that angel embraced him from behind, chin propped on Remus’ shoulder.

"All cleaned up?" Sirius’ voice in his ear was as seductive as ever and Remus felt a familiar shiver go down his spine. "Want to get dirty again?"

Remus chuckled at the terror Sirius’ words had inspired in the eyes of their captives. Oh, they liked to get messy when they were having fun but, even for them, the blood splashed around the room and over themselves was extreme. Then again, thought Remus as he surveyed the trussed up and bloody forms of Bellatrix, Rodolphus and Lucius, this one was personal.

These people had persuaded Peter to turn against them, at least as far as James and Sirius were concerned - Remus and Lily knew that it hadn’t taken that much persuasion. The Minister for Magic had his hand in it too but, as they couldn’t get to him, they had to make do with his beloved Aurors. Besides, Dumbledore had promised to take care of the ever pompous Lord Voldemort in his own time; he had his own issues with ‘Tom’ and the way he was running the Ministry.

Still, having three Aurors to play with, and these three especially, was the most fun they’d had in ages. Remus could feel just how much Sirius was enjoying himself and he shifted further back against his lover to hear the groan reverberate through the both of them. They’d already had one lot of fun tonight, right there on the floor in front of ‘Dear Bella’ with an immobilising charm to ensure she couldn’t look away; a fitting revenge for all the times she’d railed against Sirius’ _‘perversion’_ and _‘unnaturalness’_ across the family dinner table. But once was nowhere near enough to satisfy the craving brought on by that certain, unmistakable taste of copper in the air.

"Later," He murmured his promise to Sirius, "I’ll bring the rope."

Sirius groaned even louder and dropped his head to Remus’ shoulder causing him to smirk and James and Lily to laugh. They knew exactly what was wrong with Sirius just like he and Sirius knew that the heated looks James and Lily were sending each other meant that it was almost time to bring the night’s festivities to a close. It was almost time for each couple to go to their respective homes and lose themselves in the intoxication of the acts they’d done, lose themselves in each other.

Almost.

Lily lifted her head and graced them all with a sly smile. "One more time?"

James and Sirius returned her smile with interest and all three of them turned back to the captives and raised their wands. Remus moved back to lean against a wall, he wanted to watch this; he did so love watching them at the height of their psychopathy.

"Incendio!"

"Crucio!"

"Sectumsempra!"

They were beautiful like that with the coloured light of the spells lighting up their faces and crazy joy lighting up their eyes and his patience finally snapped. He stepped past the soon-to-be expired Aurors, writhing and screaming soundlessly on the floor, and grabbed Sirius, crushing their lips together. Sirius threw his arms around Remus and returned the kiss just as urgently, just as desperate, until they ran out of air and stood panting, their foreheads pressed together.

Remus briefly thought back to that scared little boy he’d been, so determined to do the right thing, to fight against his true nature. How would things have turned out if he’d kept fighting, if he’d stayed invisible, locked himself away during the full moon? He couldn’t imagine it. Not feeling the rush of the hunt, the power of the kill, the all encompassing fire of Sirius’ love. It wasn’t a world he’d ever want to live in, not anymore.

Bright green lights filled the room and then it was time to go home.


End file.
